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“We got to discuss it with your Mammy, she knows better. And, Ricka …” Trawl hesitated, as if pondering over something, and went on, “we have to tell you something else. I do not want you to learn it from people on the street…”

“What?” I sat on the bench at the wall getting prepared.

“You just…” he paused, “…just don’t take it too close to your heart.”

“I don’t get you,” I turned my eyes to Yoos who was still silent with a stony face expressing completely nothing.

“There is more…” Truvle hesitated and ran his hand through his hair as if collecting his thoughts. But Yoos stepped in there, “The explosion rolled all over the northern part of the valley and reached… It got to Mount Eagle…”

I felt a chill of some bad premonition crawling inside my chest, but I remained silent, waiting for more.

“The fortress is intact,” he said hastily, “but those who were on the gate and the walls at that moment…” he stopped short and fell silent again.

“What… what happened to them?!” I squeezed out the words still not knowing what they were getting at.

The men exchanged glances.

“They’re dead,” Trawl turned away.

I froze, staring at them my eyes open wide.

“How many?” I said with a voice that was not mine. Tears caught my throat.

“Eleven… And five more are with the healers now. Burnt badly.”

I could not hold my tears.

I killed eleven people! Eleven innocent people! How could this ever be possible? What was it going on with me? This is not right, no… it can’t be like that. Like I … I am a monster!”

Apparently, I involuntarily pronounced the last part loud since Yoos was right there next to me. “Listen! You are not a monster! Look at me, Ricka. You aren’t to blame for this. You had nothing to do with all that.”

I raised my eyes, full of tears and obedience, and looked into his weather-beaten face. As our eyes met, I realized he was lying to me. Both to me and to himself. It was my magic power that killed them, and nothing else. Our lives, Elcha’s and mine, had cost them theirs. And Yoos had known many of those people. I could read lots of pain in his gray eyes. And Captain of the Karun guard could not hide it, no matter how hard he was trying. I could also see he blamed himself. Not only he, by the way. Truvle was biting his lips every time he thought that no one was looking at him.